The Night the Potters Died
by Swampfire Leatherweed
Summary: Lord Voldemort tells his account of the night he killed the Potters. It is a story filled with muggles, humor, and gardening tips. May contain spoilers, but not from the HBP.


Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter and blah, blah, blah…Why do you care anyway? Let's get to the point!

A/N:Thanks to my reviewers: flowerew, sangowings, and moonlight2! 

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Part 1 (and the only part): Voldemort's Story

Hello, I'm Tom Riddle. I want you to call me Voldemort though…or I will kill you. Evil aside, tonight I am going to tell you a story and you are going to listen…or I will kill you. It is the tragic tale of how I killed Harry Potter's parents so I could kill him but ended up having wasted my breath as Harry lived through it. But anyway, I want to tell you because I am bored and you are so willing to listen…or I will kill you.

I bet you are wondering why I wanted to kill Harry. I have actually made a list of reasons why so why don't you read that…or I will kill you.

Ten Reasons Why I Want to Murder Potter

1. Some stupid prophecy was made about him being the only one able to beat me and so on.

2. He is an annoyingly spoiled brat.

3. He thinks he is all that and a bag of chips.

4. I am a sore loser.

5. He is a nerd who wears glasses and has two nerdy little friends.

6. He is a good guy. I hate all good guys.

7. He killed my giant snake!

8. He keeps defeating me

9. We are sworn enemies.

10. I just don't like him.

So now you see that I dislike him and you probably do too…or I will kill you. Oh, look at the time! I had better get on with the story!

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It was a beautiful day, it was dark and rainy and just all around a creepy Halloween. I was hiding out in a muggle house (the muggles were on vacation in Madagascar) and watching the little children go by in their idiotic costumes. I overheard two of them talking.

"What are you supposed to be?"

"I'm Madonna, duh!"

"Well, you look ugly"

"I do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

It was pathetic. I was thinking of how muggles were imbeciles when all of the sudden, Wormtail appeared. "I have good news my lord." He was trembling in fear. "I have located the Potters." So he went on and told me some information but I wasn't really listening. You see, he had a fly buzzing around his head and I got occupied watching it so I only pretended to listen. All I heard was something about a place called Godric's Hollow. Finally I paid attention, "so you see, my lord, if you go to Godric's Hollow you can find the Potters at number eight." I thanked him and dismissed him.

I sat there awhile and wondered if tonight was the night I would kill the Potters or should I call it a night and take care of it tomorrow. I decided to get it over with so I could spend tomorrow doing the crossword or working on my garden--- What? Can't a dark lord have a hobby? Anyway, I think I should have done the crossword first. It would have been easy compared to what happened when I got there.

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It was eleven o'clock or so when I showed up at the house. "Number eight… Ahh, there it is!" I said to myself. I wondered if Wormtail had tricked me… I mean, you would too if you saw the rundown, little houses around there. I knew for a fact that the Potters were rich, so why did they live here of all places! And their garden was second rate! I mean, their begonias were too close together and there was not a rose bush in sight! It didn't even look as if they had watered them in about a week! What kind of people were they!

Back to the point, I went up to the house and shivered when I saw their pathetic excuse for a garden. I turned the knob and… Enough with the suspenseful dot, dot, dots! The door was locked so I said a stupid spell and the door opened. No big deal! No need for unnecessary dot, dot, dotting! What a waste of typing! I think that all stories should have appropriate dot, dot, dotting. I also have a love of grammar. If there is ever a book with improper grammar I will complain about it!

So I went inside and found James Potter there. He told me to go away and I killed him, but that was after I insulted his disgusting lack of rose bushes. I heard a scream upstairs so I glided to the spot where the scream came from. On the way I saw their tiny kitchen and hideous carpets. I stopped every once and a while and destroyed something for fun like a porcelain vase and a painting of some old guy wearing scarlet robes but I didn't pay attention to who.

I finally made it upstairs and found Lily Potter and Bratty---I mean Harry Potter. I insulted Lily's begonias and killed her then I turned on Harry (like in his descriptions). He made some funny gurgling noises and then spit up all over my nice new dragon skin boots! I cleaned it up and then he did it again! This was one tricky toddler. All of the sudden a horrid stench filled the room. I should have killed him first, I thought.

Then I pointed my wand at him. He tried to grab it but couldn't reach, luckily enough. I finally said the darn Avada Kedavra curse, but something went wrong. I felt a sickly sensation as I was ripped from my body which disintegrated immediately. I was in a very sticky situation. Boy, oh boy! I should have done the crossword first.


End file.
